Sasquiche! The abominable tart of deliciousness!

Ok, here was the situation…

We had a vegetarian coming to stay
We were going out dancing so needed a light dinner

Here are the problems…

  1. We don’t have a smallish fluted tart tin (I know, right? What kind of bakers are we?)
  2. We had been drinking all the live long day

Plan of action…

  1. Invent a tasty, vegetarian quiche that won’t give that “would be better with meat” thinking
  2. Bake said quiche in a state of low to moderate inebriation

ugly as hell yet tastes like heaven...if heaven was made of heaven made of cheese? I think I'm thinking of the moon...tastes like moon.

Oh Torontes, you Argentinian fiend! Curse your zippy grape goodness! So, yes, wine was the major obstacle of the day, but we had dinner to make! Glass down boy, (and up, and down, and up and refill) time to bake!

Goats cheese, red onion and fig quiche


  • 250g 00 flour
  • 125g good butter (chilled and cubed)
  • tsp dried oregano
  • pinch o’ salt
  • few tbsp iced water
  • egg yolk
  1. Rub butter into flour salt and oregano until sandy
  2. Add water little at a time cutting through with a bread knife until dough starts to come together
  3. Push dough together and kneed for 30 seconds maximum
  4. Shape into ball, flatten, wrap in cling and whack in the fridge for at least 30 minutes
  5. Pre-heat oven to 200C
  6. Roll pastry in-between sheets of cling (you’ll thank me for this) until about £1 coin thickness
  7. Pop into a greased 8″ flan tin (or cake tin…the shame!), leave the top layer of cling to support the pastry when lining the tin and make sure you push right to the edges
  8. Remove cling, prick with fork
  9. Line with foil and weigh down with baking beans
  10. Pop in oven for about 5 mins until the base under the beans is dryish
  11. Remove beans and foil, brush all over with egg yolk
  12. Return to oven at 180C for about 15-20 mins until a nice golden brown


  • 250g full fat cream cheese (I said full fat, drop that Philly extra light)
  • 100g rindless goats cheese
  • 4 large eggs
  • 3 red onions
  • fig relish
  • fresh thyme
  • salt and pepper
  • olive oil
  1. Cut onions into thin slices and fry off gently in a bit of olive oil until soft and starting to caramelise then set aside to cool off
  2. Pre-heat oven 170C
  3. Mix cheeses and eggs together with a tsp of chopped thyme until smooth and season to your liking (I’m totally not advocating eating raw eggs btw)
  4. Smooth a layer of fig relish onto base of pastry case
  5. Spread over caramelised onions
  6. Pour in filling to top of the pastry but don’t let it spill over (spillage=burnt bits)
  7. Cook for 30-40 minutes until the middle has a slight wobble
  8. Sprinkle with some thyme sprigs oh, and maybe a little Maldon salt and cracked pepper…go crazy.

So how did ours go?

Firstly we made the pastry THREE TIMES! The first we used wholemeal flour which lacks gluten so cracked; the second was made with ingredients we had lying around which were SR flour and spreadable butter (no real surprise this one went breasts skywards); off to Waitrose, bought ingredients for third (actually, we sent Si as we were druuuuuuunk!).
The stupid lack of flan tin lead to having to level the crust so cutting off the golden goodness and making the pastry look as thick as Tara Reid (we are NOT watching Big Brother). The pastry was anaemic looking either way as we didn’t brown it long enough. The filling we managed to just about over cook so we got a small crack, we also didn’t turn the thing so we got one Snooki side and one Edward Cullen side (for this we blame the Torontes and Lady Gaga…kitchens make EXCELLENT dance floors and singing “edge of glory” real loud will make you miss a pathetically wimpy oven timer beep…and ps we have watched neither Jersey Shore or Twilight, it’s these internets, they get everywhere!).

oh those smooth unfluted edges are like a dagger to my heart!

I will say, despite the “rustic” appearance and the slap-dash cookery skills it tasted AWESOME! Meat? Who needs meat? Bring me some more pastry, goaty, figgy greatness if you please!!!

seriously, the pastry was NOT as thick as it looks...that soooooo sounds like a fat chick justifying skinny jeans

There would have/should have (I mean, come on Wondercat you’re running a baking blog here) been internal cut quiche pictures. I’m afraid hunger totally struck and we’d polished off a bottle of champers so thoughts of photography were none existent (we were aaaaaaaaall about if we had time for a face mask and if eyebrows needed a tidy up).

Black border thing-to hide my feet! I was stood on the dining table legs akimbo...yes, I squatted drunkenly over the quiche...if only someone photographed me photographing it, picture in picture...oooooh! (just blew my own mind...pop)

So, if you need a tasty vegetarian meal that you can make in stages, in advance and when drunk you should be making this…run, make this.


Posted on September 3, 2011, in Disasters, Experimental, Savoury and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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