Finlaystein; or, the modern Prometheus

A Bakery and a B movie

This weekend at The Wondercat Bakery Laboratory, we endeavoured to create buns LIFE!

“I had worked hard for nearly two years hours, for the sole purpose of infusing life into an inanimate body dough. For this I have deprived myself of rest and health consumed much Gewürztraminer and Jelly Belly beans.”

My assistant Igor helped me fashion bodies from dough and fruit:

dough is much less gross than body parts

Water Roux

  • 25g plain flour
  • 125ml milk or whey
  1. mix and heat together (microwave for about 35 sec) until a smooth and thickened
  2. leave to cool

Dough

  • 375g bread flour
  • 100g plain flour
  • 75g sugar
  • tsp salt
  • 1 packet yeast
  • tbsp sesame oil
  • tbsp butter
  • 150ml warm milk or whey
  • 2 eggs
  1. mix flours sugar and salt in a bowl then mix in yeast
  2. add water roux and 1 beaten egg and mix together
  3. add the milk and kneed to a nice elastic dough (about 10 mins)
  4. kneed in butter and oil (about 10 minutes)
  5. put in a bowl, cover with cling and leave in a warm place until doubled in size (about 1-1/12 hour)
  6. knock the down back and kneed again (about 10 mins)
  7. divide into blobs (about 70g) keeping a bit for ears and tails
  8. roll each blob into a flat circle, put a tbsp of FILLING in the middle
  9. pull edges up over filling and twist together
  10. turn blob seam side down, shape smooth and put on lined baking sheet
  11. add small pointy blobs for ears and a little sausage for a tail
  12. brush with beaten egg mixed with water
  13. leave in a warm place for 30 mins
  14. bake 175C for 15-20 minutes or until nice and golden (turn down oven if ears are cremating)
  15. leave to cool then pipe a face with ROYAL ICING

“It was already one in the morning afternoon; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle silk cut super-slim was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow tasty sugary eye of the creature open…”

IT’S ALIVE!!!

Mwah ha ha ha ha!!!

Actually, forget the galvanism, we totally went the “Death Becomes Her” route; we used a potion and wore this delightful outfit:

I already have tops with deeper "v"s

SEMPRE VIVA! LIVE FOREVER!

All was going well, my creations were satisfactory.

Then they started running amok! Climbing over each other, setting sky+ to record X Factor…What a fucking liberty! Enough is enough!

I knew free-range children were a mistake

We needed to find out what went wrong and put an end to their mischief.

We sent Igor to befriend them and gain their trust…

hiya, whatcha doin?

Then when their back was turned…

when they started re-enacting the "mama mia" video I knew it was time to put and end to the madness

We captured one and began the vivisection!

Igor is totally useless with blood, guts and raisins

It appears the problem was caused by moist filling creating quite a heavy, doughy crumb (which we found deliciously pleasing TBH) and over browning of ears and tails due to their small size.

Igor pushed through his fears and got all tauntaun on it's ass

The main problem with my creations was piping their features too soon.  The warm dough made them “cry” and get a bit melty in the face region…WE HAD CREATED MONSTERS!

runny visage

After learning of their inner-workings we were able to capture and contain the rest of them for further study.

a domed cake stand, the carbonite of bread monsters

So it was a hard journey but finally we learned: Only play God if you can pull off this ensemble:

this must be HELL on the teets

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Posted on September 12, 2011, in Breads, Desserts, Disasters, Experimental and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Adorable! Happy faces on food makes everything better — but what is Igor made out of???

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