The Wondercat School: Brush Embroidery Tutorial

OK, class…settle down, backs straight…it’s learning time.

Welcome to Brush Embroidery for dumb-asses

I’m your teacher Ms. Finlay, bad boys and girls will end up in the naughty box…

the best children are battery farmed

Right then children, time to learn brush embroidery…

figure 1: brush embroidery

First things first, create a canvas on which to work.  I have made some almond biscuits filled with marzipan and blackcurrant compote and covered with lemon royal icing.  You can do the same or use a cake perhaps?  Maybe a piece of cling film over a plate?  T.B.H. I don’t really care what you use I just need to keep you occupied until playtime…

a canvas as blank as your inbred little minds


Take some royal icing in a piping bag.  I used a number 2 piping tip, you can use the same or just snip off the end of the bag if your mean mummy and daddy couldn’t be bothered to provide you with the correct equipment…I’ll be having words with them at parents evening, if I can get your perverted father to keep his eyes off my tits.

Pipe a zig-zag curved line for each petal.  Think of a circle and pipe the petals to follow the edge; you don’t know what a circle is?  Have you paid no attention to anything I’ve said this year?  You cretinous little monster…don’t even start with the crying!

figure 2: notice the curve

Now, take a wet brush and drag from the middle of the line to the middle of the imaginary circle.  The aim is to smudge only half the line so you leave a raised edge.  Wipe and dampen your brush for each petal.  What do you mean all this water has made you pee yourself?!  I’m paid to teach not wipe up your messes…you can sit there stinking of piss until your mum picks you up.

figure 3: notice the untouched edge of the line

I’ve told you what to do now, just keep doing it until the bell rings and I can be rid of you all.

par exemple

Take a look at some of mine and try not to kill yourselves whilst I sneak out the fire exit for a fag.

presentation is always important, it appears your parents don't agree judging by how you all arrive in the morning


see how the marzipan has absorbed the compote...let's try and make your squishy marzipan brains soak up my delightful teachings

There will be a test on this in the morning unless a teacher accidentally backs her car over you on her way home…whoops! my bad!


Posted on October 5, 2011, in Cookies, Experimental and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Thanks for the tutorial! I’m bookmarking this so I can try it out later (while trying not to pee myself) — but the cookie itself sounds amazing, too. Marzipaaaaaan love! Hopefully you can post it up later, yeeeeeeees?

    Also: your posts always crack me up!

    • *grins* glad you enjoy the blog!
      I’m planning to make some pistachio cookies based on the same recipe in the next few days so I’ll whack up the recipe. X

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