Category Archives: Cupcakes
Hey, we’re back! Well, by back I mean a random post…shit got busy…the boys moved house which was traumatic…stupid glass panelled doors (after the third headache I learned to stop running into them).
Anyway, I know what you’re thinking…cupcake fucking schmupcake…seen, done, ate many…I agree; but what if *switch to sultry/slutty M&S voice* “These weren’t any cupcakes, these were made with the finest ingredients and flavours from around the world”? (by that we mean the imported food isle in M&S and Harvey Nicks…we aren’t actually going to Ecudador to sniff cocoa beans (we totally should have)).
Super luxe peanut butter butterfly cupcakes (Makes 12)
- 145g Tate & Lyle: Fair Trade Golden Caster Sugar
- 150ml Merchant Gourmet: Almond Oil
- 170g McDougals: “00” Flour
- 35g Green and Blacks: Cocoa Powder
- 1 tsp Baking Powder (You find a luxury version. You can’t? Shut up fuck up then)
- 1/2 tsp Cornish Sea Salt Co.: Fine Sea Salt
- 2 Duck Eggs (All duck are tremendously luxurious)
- 170ml Total Greek Yoghurt: Full Fat
- 1 Ndali: Vanilla Pod
- A few spoons of Gold Top Jersey Milk
- 200g Hotel Chocolat: Hacienda Iara 100% Dark
- 100g The Tasmanian Honey Company: Leatherwood Honey
Peanut Butter Frosting
- 100g Kerrigold Butter
- 100g Koeze: Cream-Nut Crunchy Natural Peanut Butter
- 200g Tate & Lyle: Fair Trade Icing Sugar
- A few spoons of Gold Top Jersey Milk
- Melt the chocolate
- Stir in the honey
- Wrap in cling film and whack in the fridge
- When cool, kneed, roll out and cut into shapes (or make into penises, literally minutes of amusement)
- Pre-heat oven to 180ºc
- Mix oil with caster sugar until sugar starts to dissolve a bit
- Mix in vanilla pod seeds and eggs until creamy
- Mix in flour, salt, baking powder and cocoa
- Stir through the yoghurt
- If the mixture doesn’t fall off a spoon add a splash of milk
- Fill cake cases half full and push in a disk of modelling chocolate
- Bake for 18–20 minutes
- Cool on a wire rack (important! If you leave them in the tin they keep baking; the wire gives their bottoms a nice breeze)
- Beat butters together
- Mix in icing sugar with a splash of milk (it stops you getting a nose full of white powder *looks innocent*)
- Loosen with a little more milk so it’s smooth and can be piped (any extra can go straight in the mouth).
Really, if you need directions, how are you working the Internet…or breathing? But for the sake of thoroughness…
- Cake=Bottom Frosting=Middle Chocolate=Top …a human centipede of deliciousness
- Do not eat until fully assembled (maybe we ate a few too many butterflies as the cakes were cooling…don’t judge me)
Was it worth the hassle and expense of using top end shit?? Ermahgerd! Totally!
The sponge was light, moist and rich. The frosting was deliciously nutty and not gaggingly cloying (nutty? gagging? behave…pervert). The modelling chocolate melted in the mouth; the combo of the fruity, nutty Iara and spicy, sweetness of the Leatherwood honey was fucking mind-blowing…the pieces in the cakes melt and become a sticky, chewy nuggets of joy.
The best review of this bake was Mykie being told by a straight man “If I were gay, I’d marry you.”
So cake awesomeness! With great power comes great responsibility…don’t blame us if you are inundated with offers of marriage or sexy times…use these cakes wisely.
Happy Halloween Everyone!
As most people appeared to have done, we celebrated Halloween over the weekend!
Lord and Lady Callister were hosting a Halloween Party so the boys got their fancy-dress on the go!
It was a night of great fun, great company, a great evening all round! But, things tragically ended in the early demise of Skeleton Boy.
The Wondercat Bakery had provided cupcakes for little monsters to chomp their fangs into…
We made, chocolate sponge monsters with Amarula butter-cream fur
And, Green lemon sponge zombies with dark chocolate ganache…
So the night progressed wonderfully! Socialising, maybe a little tipple or two?
Under the surface, two epic battles were being played out…
The forces of good and evil were colliding, it was furry verses slimy…
and, evil NHS armed with their deadly syringes of Jagermeister verses poor Skeletons Boy’s tiny, tiny liver and inability to say no to drink…
Whilst the cake wars ended in stale mate, the battlefield littered with empty, torn cupcake wrappers…Dr Jager and Nurse Meister were totally victorious!
The limp corpse of Skeleton Boy was carted away and interred in a bed wrapped in towels to protect the bedding from face paint…
Have a great night folks! and thanks once again to Jan and Allan for being such wonderful hosts!
OK class, calm yourselves, find your centres…shut your adorable little mouths; I’m teaching!
Since our last lesson I have gained permission from the headmaster to use a taser on naughty children…I’m feeling trigger happy so please pay attention.
This lesson will involve scissors so unless you want a pair of plastic, useless, safety scissors you should behave yourselves; No running!…except you, yes you…you can put the scissors in your mouth and run into the wall…I love teaching.
Today we are making mini marshmallow flowers…
- Take a mini marshmallow
- Do not eat
- Cut with scissors diagonally into two pieces
- Do not eat
- Dab cut edges into coloured sugar
- Do not eat
- Arrange decoratively onto a cupcake
- Do not eat
Well, technically they are complete but this is my classroom and I get to say who eats and when. Any back-sass and you’ll get a short sharp taser to the face…are we clear class?
The canvas for these flowers are almond sponges with blueberry jam and blueberry frosting…
- 110g unsalted butter
- 110g golden caster sugar
- 110g SR flour
- 2 eggs
- 1 tsp baking powder
- pinch o’ salt
- 1 tsp good quality almond extract
- whisk butter and sugar until light
- beat in egg and almond extract
- fold in the rest until smooth
- put 45g in each cupcake case
- bake 25-30 mins at 160ºC until lightly golden
The jam is home made by my mother-in-law; if your cretinous relations lack the skill or motivation to provide you with similar then tell them to buy you a jar…also tell them Ms. Finlay says “shame, SHAME ON YOU”!
The butter cream is just a simple half butter to icing sugar flavoured with Blueberry Lorann Oil and coloured with a Purple Wilton Gel. Even the moronic child who has been licking my board duster can manage that.
For a little life lesson girls, the best way into a man’s pants is through his stomach…so use excess baking ingredients to your advantage (not that any of you will be bagging a man without receiving twenty quid and a punch in the tits in return).
Well, I think I just heard the bell so get out my classroom.
Well this week has been H.O.T!
Far too warm to be baking really which is strange as it’s October; I’ve been sorting out my scarves and gloves for the A/W season…then heatwave!
This meant that I was making Baby Shower cupcakes in my underwear on a humid Friday evening…
Almond Cupcakes with Maple-Amarula Butter Cream (makes 12)
- 165g SR flour
- 165g Unsalted Butter
- 165g Golden Caster Sugar
- 3 eggs
- 1 tsp Baking Powder
- Pinch o’ Salt
- 1 tsp Almond Extract (good stuff)
- Cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy
- Whisk in eggs
- Fold in everything else
- Put 45g-50g in each case
- Bake at 160ºC for about 25-30 mins
- 60g Unsalted Butter
- 120g Icing Sugar
- 2 tsp Maple Syrup
- 1 tbsp Amarula
- Whisk it all together until light and fluffy
- It’ll be quite loose in texture as this is for spreadin’ not pipin’
To decorate I cut out fondant with a diameter about 3cm larger than the cakes. You need enough room to give a nice dome and still tuck right to the edges…my first got ripped off as it was far to small even though it looked majorly big enough p.s. b.t.w. f.y.i… the icing needs to be quite thickly rolled or it looks super lumpy on the cake…not pretty.
I’ve been wanting to try the old brush embroidery for a while…unfortunately I decided on multiple small flowers per cake so the brush strokes overlapped…not as lacy delicate as I wanted but hey ho, I think it suits the cakes and looks tooootally Lilo and Stitch/Hawaii…cute!!!!
So easy to do, it just takes a bit of time…I’ll put together a brush embroidery tutorial post in the near future.
So the end result? They got positive reviews from the Baby Shower (but T.B.H. who would tell you your cakes taste like shite in a silver wrapper?), I really enjoyed the flavour combo…the almond and maple gave a rich, slightly caramel flavour and the Amarula added a creamy, ripe fruit twist leaving the warmth of alcohol behind…total sensory sexytimes!
Definitely a flavour combo to help you welcome in the autumn…and you end up with a big bottle of Amarula to sip on…happy days!
Our internet had been kicked in the cooch and was limping along this weekend…
So just a short post now we can upload pics again…
Have a lovely week everyone!
Hope you all enjoyed the Indian Summer! (No one has said that this year, they say it every other year the sun sticks it’s face out around October!)
Right then, two colour icing, as defined as Aquafresh, not as good for the teeth but much tastier!
Really simple, mix up two batches of butter icing:
- butter = x
- icing sugar = 2x
- milk = x/10
- whisk until light, and fluffy
With all the praise and compliments it was easy to keep up motivation and resist temptation. But, sooner rather than later, the flashbulbs, the glitz, the interviews with Lorraine Kelly the workout DVD…all went away. She was back to her normal life with her usual problems her usual cravings and habits…and when back to the harsh light of reality; “Is that a cake I see?”
Well yes, it is a cake. You like cake don’t you? Two colour/flavour icing; do you wonder what that tastes like?
- put each colour icing in its own piping bag and snip off the pointy ends
- put both piping bags inside another piping bag fitted with a nozzle
- practice squeezing on paper until you get both colours flowing
- pipe away!
So, does a quick-fix diet, extreme make over work?
Well this is where the very hungry butterfly found herself…
Right back to her old habits and knee deep in icing…LIFE STYLE CHANGE PEOPLE! THERE IS NO QUICK FIX FOR WIEGHT LOSS!
For two great podcasts on how to change your lifestyle and become a thinner person see FAT 2 FIT RADIO or CUT THE FAT
I know, right? Going on about a healthy lifestyle on a baking blog in the the middle of a post on icing made entirely of butter and sugar…
So after making a teeny tiny amount of cottage cheese we had about two litres of liquid whey left over…
It turns out that whey is awesome as the liquid component for bread making (it’s supposed to make a softer sweeter bread and help rise and other things)!!! How good when we are all about the bread at the moment!
So what to do? what to do?!
Once again our baking was driven by Simon requiring nice snacks to keep him going at work; we also had a pile of home-grown stewed apples from Granny Dot…fruit filled bread snacks it is then!
We got all experimental, overfilled the muffin tins leading to upsetting overflow but the result was a super light, spongy, springy bread with a sticky gooey centre…yumers!
Fruity Whey Wonderbuns
Filling (I didn’t really measure anything so just make up a small bowl full)
- stewed apple or apple sauce
- nice mixed fruit
- sugar to taste
- just mix the whole lot together until it looks like a nice fruity filling (that was such a crap attempt at a recipe, sorry!)
- 300g strong white bread flour
- 300ml liquid whey (see Miss Muffet part I)
- 20g golden caster sugar
- 5g salt
- 1 packet dried yeast
- 3 egg yolks
- mix flour, sugar and salt together
- make a well in the centre and add yeast then eggs and whey
- mix with a wooden spoon (it’ll be super gloopy)
- it should start sticking together enough to kneed it in the bowl (it should be a sloppy mess)
- cover bowl with cling and leave for at least an hour in a warm place (dough will at least double in size)
- knock it back, well sort of squish and kneed it a bit to pop out any giant air bubbles (you should be able to grab a bit and stretch it and it’ll be like super soft elastic…or slime…remember slime?)
- take some silicone muffin trays add a blob of dough slop then a spoon of filling then cover with another blob of dough (the muffin pans should be about half full…mine weren’t hence the explosive over-spill!)
- leave for about 30 minutes in a warm place (oh yeah, we sprinkled some rolled oats on top)
- pre-heat oven to 200ºC and pop a bowl of water in the bottom of the oven
- whack buns in the oven for about 15-20 minutes until nice and golden on top (the whey should help form a nice brown crust)
- et voilà (leave to cool before removing from cake pans as they are super, super soft)
As you can see ours were a bit of a mess! Very happy with the bake and the texture, they are so fluffy and delicate that the top heavy filling makes them quiver on the plate…I do love a jiggle. The buns are very airy and spring back nicely when pinched like a babies butt cheek (erm, this sounded less weird in my head). They have a nice sweetness and richness to themselves even without the warm sticky filling…Simon totally loved them and ate about 5 of them straight away…Husband WIN!