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Biscuits and bears…

So, we have been less with the baking and more with the making…

The boys have got a little caked out so baking has been cut back to bare minimum…or “bear” minimum…(yeah, that was terrible…go ahead, leave this website, don’t come back.)

do not eat

 

SO, the bear thing…we’ve been NEEDLE FELTING!!! You sort of jab un-spun wool with a needle until it turns into stuff…or you jab the bejesus out of your finger…hurts like a bitch but you’d think it was a hot coffee enema from the way we were screaming. 

We needed snacks for the stichin’ ‘n’ bitchin’…making stuff really works up an appetite (ok, no it doesn’t, we are just greedy)

Black Sesame and Hot Ginger Honey Cookies

tip: put ugly biscuits on a gorgeous plate

  • 130g Plain Flour
  • 20g skimmed milk powder
  • 40g Black sesame seeds
  • 80g Budder
  • 80g Caster Sugar
  • 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1 tsp Ground ginger
  • 1/4 tsp Cayenne pepper
  • 2 tbsp Honey
  1. rub together the dry stuff until crumby
  2. stir through the honey then bring together into a dough ball
  3. roll out and cut out
  4. bake 160ºC for 15-20 mins

These were yummy, the cayenne really fires up the ginger and the smoky sesame brings it nicely together like a sweet buddery oral bonfire!

it's like some weird cookie maypole dance

 

They got strangely super hard over night so these are probably “scoff the batch” cookies which is not the biggest upset in the history of the world.

12 down 4 to go

 

Now back to the making stuff…we have been making Micro-Bears!

 

Macrocephaly: makes things cuter

Cuteness!

a lot cuter than the bloody stumps that are our fingers...needle felting is an extreme sport

 

We want to see just how small we can get them!

a penny for scale...do you know how long it took to fit a decent looking penny?

 

Anyways, hopefully more baking soon…if truth be told we are actually in a giant baking mope as GBBO hasn’t got back to us…Mary Berry, you are now dead to us, DEAD!

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Milk and Chocolate Biscuits: Delicious all year round (we are very lazy)

Hey Kids!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!  We hope you got some nice things from Santa (who must have been terribly uncomfortable this year as the weather was so clement…Red fur trousers in the heat must amount to a substantial amount of crotch sweat);

The bakery is now the proud owner of a Baby Gaggia Espresso Machine so no excuses for us not getting our lazy arses in gear and posting in a reasonable amount of time.  So, yeah, we are only just posting our Christmas biscuits due to the jolly, joy, joy of drinking, eating, socialising, eating, snacking, munching, sleeping, watching Goonies…but it’s not like we get paid for this or anything so deal with our dallying.

on Dasher, on Dancer, on Hob-Nob and Linzer!

What were we saying? *distracted by a Lindor Reindeer* Oh, Christmas biscuits…sooooo, our main gripe about the Christmas biscuit, and don’t get us wrong, we love traditions and cracking out the old standards each year, but come on folks, a little imagination…we like sugar but we’re only an iced vanilla biscuit away from the diabetes.

So we went for something a little different…and they were awesome!

the forest of num numsFrom this angle I guess these are girl reindeer

We thought we’d play with different textures and flavours in the same cookies but try and keep each separate and distinct.  What we came up with was a vanilla shortbread type bikkie containing milk crumbs (oh, milk crumbs BTW=delicious!!! More than delicious, they are a eat-the-batch-and-have-to-make-more-then-eat-half-of-that-batch-and-make-yet-another level of delicious) topped with a layer of really deep, dark chocolate sort of shortcrust pastry type biscuit.  You get the soft buttery, milky bottom layer with the crunch and cocoa intensity from the top…marvellous!

check out the layerage

We made Christmas trees rolling the base to 6mm and topping with 2mm thickness of the chocolate layer; this gave a great balance of the two.  The milk layer was a soothing back massage, the chocolate, a cheeky slap on the ass.

We dusted in gold and added a little squiggle of green for some tree-y-ness ( and because as much as we love chocolate, food the colour of post-Guinness bowel movements doesn’t get us reaching for the biscuit tin).

you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter.

What to do with the pile of doughs left over?! (apart from eat them raw, don’t judge, raw cookie dough is a food group of it’s own); we squished then into a single marble dough and made reindeers!

almost too cute to eat...

 

the herd has been thinned...

a delicious ecosystem

So here’s to a great 2012 and another year of baking experiments!

Umbrella Cookies: Don’t rain on my parade!

Don’t tell me not to live, just sit and putter; Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butter…

a brolly cookie against a painting of a city...or a giant hand holding a table parasol coming to smash the place up!?!

So it is Sunday, I am not feeling at my best due to a trip to Birmingham for a night of dancing.  Birmingham BTW doesn’t have a Vivienne Westwood shop! Britian’s second city?! Not in my book! They’re living like animals, ANIMALS!!

Speaking of animals: A bull made of jelly beans…

"shall we visit the badger made of cheese next?"

So, as I was saying, not feeling tip-top but I was compelled to bake something.  I’ve not made iced cookies for jelly bean donkeys years!

what a glorious feeling *munch munch munch*

And yes, I know it’s summer and some people may question my decision to make umbrellas;  to these people I say “No cookies for you!

you can have none of my umbrellas, ellas, ellas...

Biscuit Recipe

  • 120g soft butter
  • 185g icing sugar
  • 330g plain flour
  • 1 egg
  • pinch o’ salt
  • almond extract
  • tsp baking powder
  1. Cream sugar and butter
  2. Mix in egg and almond extract
  3. Stir in the rest of the stuff
  4. Roll out and cut
  5. Bake for about 7 minutes at 190ºC
They are iced with royal icing which I will do a full post on.  For now here are a few pointers…
1)icing consistency is super important
2)flood-fill icing think glacier rather than river
3)it takes time and patience…not the best activity with a hangover
4)you will smoosh one with a finger or elbow (eat the evidence)
5)wait for things to dry before adding more icing or silver paint
6)piping away from you usually gets a neater line
7)unless you are some crazy robot, you will have variations in quality, none will be totally perfect
8)using leftover icing to pipe yourself a moustache is awesome

umbrellas and a laurel bush...I'm not sure where to go with this...I may feel wittier in my toga.

that's some fine comic sans

Later my dears, I’m off to my bed…

Biscuit Combat…FIGHT!

Following on from the last post concerning the traumatic loss (then finding) of Granny Chadong’s biscuit recipe; we are getting greased up and violent…

Here’s a quick summary:

  1. Lost best recipe
  2. Found another recipe
  3. Found best recipe
  4. Fight to the death of the old champion and newcomer
Let’s start with the equivalent of the boxer weigh-in thing…were they stand in their little nundie pants on a scale while people take pictures.  I’ll replace the scale with a white plate and I can’t find little cookie Speedos so there are raisins on display NSFW!
OK, let’s ring the bell and get it on (did I say that? I’m trying to use fight talk, I don’t know fight talk.)!
Si and I will be judging so once again I’m going to be hiding from my evil mistress: Dailyburn Calorie Counter.

Granny Chadong’s

  • Taste:4.25
  • Texture:4.75
  • Overall:4.25

Treacle & Honey

  • Taste:4
  • Texture:3.5
  • Overall:3.75

The Winner!

Granny Chadong’s wins with a last second dodge of the Spinning-bird Kick and finishes off Treacle & Honey with Yoga Fire! FATALITY! (I know I’m mixing my fight game metaphors, if you’re injured by this you have many issues to work through)
Granny C’s weren’t how I remember them, they were a lot softer; maybe it was because I put them straight into a tin? maybe they needed  a few minutes longer in the oven? maybe I just forgot what they were really like.
They are still so, so good though!
I may tinker again with the recipe as T&H did have some good qualities I may try and incorporate.

In reality the real winners were Mykie and Simon who got to chow down on a plate of cookies.

Final Thought: If we ever open a strip club it is going to be called Treacle & Honey.