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Quick Bake: What’s better than men and chocolate?

So hello and happy new year!! We trust you gobbled more than your fair share of festive goodies over the holidays?

ooh, a pedestal compote of men...never said that before.

ooh, a pedestal compote of men…never said that before.

Maybe like us, you are now into January, full of good intentions of healthy eating…but let’s face it…it don’t feel good does it? The feelings of temperance and virtue from your steamed chicken salad don’t quite compare to the memories of the bucket of Lindt reindeer you scoffed. It’s time to give yourself a little, tiny break and treat yourself. We’re not going crazy now, just a little somin’ somin’ to take the edge off! How about a batch of tiny delights from Christmas leftovers and larder scraps (yes, we are full of domestic smugness). So ladies and gays, how do you like the sound of a mouthful of hot, spicy, chocolate man parts?

Hot and spicy chocolate men bites

that's it baby, climb down and dance for me

that’s it baby, climb down and dance for me

  • 40g butter
  • 20g dark chocolate with orange
  • 20g dark chocolate with chilli
  • 25g caster sugar
  • 33g plain flour
  • 1 large egg
  • 1/4 tsp mixed spice
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  1. Melt the chocolate and butter (we microwaved it (slowly, don’t blame us if you blow the thing up and burn your house to the ground))
  2. Whisk the egg and sugar until light and pale
  3. Fold everything into the egg mix.
  4. Pour into little silicone moulds
  5. Bake at 170ºC for about 10 minutes

A little bite of something nice! Fuck the rice crackers and carrot sticks. This is really quite an awesome recipe that makes a little batch so even if you go a bit Christina Aguilera and eat the lot, it’s not too much of a crisis…more clinging on to the side of the wagon than falling off face first in the horse shit and dirt.

wrapped up for Chads...if that doesn't work as a hint for some hot, hot lovin', we're gonna have to invest in a cream filled cock mould.

wrapped up for Chads…if that doesn’t work as a hint for some hot, hot lovin’, we’re gonna have to invest in a cream filled cock mould.

So on that pleasant note, good luck with any resolutions and 2013 plans!


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Jack o’ Lantern Tart…or pumpkinless pumpkin tart?!

Easing ourselves into Halloween treats by baking regular stuff and whacking something seasonal on it…pretty much what all novelty holiday stuff is anyways.

drawing a face on something orange = halloween

Right then…a tart like a pumpkin…but no pumpkin…because pumpkin tastes strange…well it’s OK I guess but no, just no…no squash in my baking just yet.

So what flavour is this? I used some left over dough from the spiderweb cookies so the case is chocolate and hazelnut; the filling is orange with a marmalade glaze…so much more appealing than pumpkin!

candles, spooky book...working the ambiance

To continue with my pumpkin diatribe for a bit longer…it’s not that I don’t like it…I do, it can be scrummy!  But, the thought off scraping out a raw pumpkin or even cracking open a tin of it takes a bit of a mental run up…because raw pumpkin smells of warm farts…like someone has trumped in bed and then shoved your head under the covers…gross.  So I will get to baking with pump-kin…eventually.

pull my finger

So the biscuit case it from this recipe

Orange filling

  • 2 egg yolks
  • 50ml double cream
  • 25ml orange juice
  • 1 tsp orange zest
  • 25g caster sugar

This is such a cheating non-recipe! As I was only making 2 little tarts, I microwaved the cream and orange juice until hot, whisked the rest of the stuff together then added it to the warm orangey cream…then poured it into the blind baked tart shells and baked for about 15 minutes at 160ºC

I finished them with a glaze of warm marmalade and piped a face with chocolate…I don’t know why but it has total gay face…a good few sashays away from scary.

hiya love!

we felt a little bad cutting his big gay face up

 I will admit that the cream could have been smoother…they were little tarts and I was distracted by a bird outside so maybe overcooked the filling slightly…ooops.

But, TBH, chocolate, orange, hazelnut…super nice autumnal flavour combo…maybe a little spice would work well? Ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon etc…my mouth is watering right now.