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Secret Snatch Cakes

So baking, yeah we’ve not for a while…

But there are reasons! Good, good reasons! (well, some reasons)

Basically, the boys got totally caked out…they’d rammed in so many tarts and financiers they were actual cake boys.

So, we’ll be posting the wedding/birthday/barmitzva cakes but if you’re looking for some shitty cupcake variants it’s probably best to piss off now.

So what is this about?

Well…sometimes baked stuff is not just for shits and giggles. Sometimes it is totally NECESSARY!

Because we eat a plateful off the floor next to the kettlebells...not on the sofa watching Grey's Anatomy.

Because we eat a plateful off the floor next to the kettlebells…not on the sofa watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Mykie was competing in a kettlebell lifting competition (I know, random, rite?) with two events split hours apart.

Mykie is a fussy eater and gets totally hangry. (like The Hulk but little, less verdant, more gay, more hair product)

Feed me or this kettlebell is heading straight at your head.

Feed me or this kettlebell is heading straight at your head.

With stuff to do at a comp…like cheer, warm up, gossip…let’s not even mention the time for costume changes… (you get totally sweaty and who wants to stay marinating in their own juices?) well the point is there is no time to pop out for an egg white omelette and a Harvey Nick’s breakfast martini, is there?!
So plans people, you gotta have the plans!

The high protein, portable, sweet treat…SECRET SNATCH CAKES! 

Right, let’s be real, these aren’t going to rock your world or anything but they are so easy, a bit delicious, filling and don’t require refrigeration (anyone else chomped on a pack of warm chicken? Samonellicious!). Kettlebell lembas!

Snatch Cakes

  • 70g When Protein (we use optimum nutrition vanilla ice-cream flavour (fucking delicious))*parenthesis within parenthesis? living on the edge at Wondercat*
  • 30g Wheatgerm
  • 2 Eggs
  • 50g Peanut butter (the good shit, at least 97% peanut with no added sugar)
  • pinch o’ salt
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 10g flour of some description
  • Xantham gum IF REQUIRED (if you are using gluten-free flour you’ll know the deal)
  • sweetener to taste (make sure it’s one that can be baked with!)
  • splash of milk
  1. beat peanut butter and eggs
  2. stir in everything else
  3. if it’s really thick and goopy, add a bit more milk
  4. plop it into some kind of muffin/cupcake tins
  5. bake at 150ºC for between 12 and 20 minutes depending on the size of your baking, erm…holes?

    These are our small holes. I can get my face in them.

    These are our small holes. I can totally get my face in them.

That is it.  You can’t really go wrong…well you can…  We used super tiny silicone block moulds so 12 minutes was long enough…we made a batch and  baked them longer and they were so dry and claggy they sucked your face in like a raisin…so don’t over bake.

OK, who ate my shit before the pics were taken?

OK, who ate my shit before the pics were taken?

 

Laters!

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Miss Muffet part II: Fruity Whey Wonderbuns

So after making a teeny tiny amount of cottage cheese we had about two litres of liquid whey left over…

It turns out that whey is awesome as the liquid component for bread making (it’s supposed to make a softer sweeter bread and help rise and other things)!!! How good when we are all about the bread at the moment!

So what to do? what to do?!

Once again our baking was driven by Simon requiring nice snacks to keep him going at work; we also had a pile of home-grown stewed apples from Granny Dot…fruit filled bread snacks it is then!

We got all experimental, overfilled the muffin tins leading to upsetting overflow but the result was a super light, spongy, springy bread with a sticky gooey centre…yumers!

nice buns, perky

Fruity Whey Wonderbuns

Filling (I didn’t really measure anything so just make up a small bowl full)

  • stewed apple or apple sauce
  • nice mixed fruit
  • cinnamon
  • sugar to taste
  1. just mix the whole lot together until it looks like a nice fruity filling (that was such a crap attempt at a recipe, sorry!)

Dough

  • 300g strong white bread flour
  • 300ml liquid whey (see Miss Muffet part I)
  • 20g golden caster sugar
  • 5g salt
  • 1 packet dried yeast
  • 3 egg yolks
  1. mix flour, sugar and salt together
  2. make a well in the centre and add yeast then eggs and whey
  3. mix with a wooden spoon (it’ll be super gloopy)
  4. it should start sticking together enough to kneed it in the bowl (it should be a sloppy mess)
  5. cover bowl with cling and leave for at least an hour in a warm place (dough will at least double in size)
  6. knock it back, well sort of squish and kneed it a bit to pop out any giant air bubbles (you should be able to grab a bit and stretch it and it’ll be like super soft elastic…or slime…remember slime?)
  7. take some silicone muffin trays add a blob of dough slop then a spoon of filling then cover with another blob of dough (the muffin pans should be about half full…mine weren’t hence the explosive over-spill!)
  8. leave for about 30 minutes in a warm place (oh yeah, we sprinkled some rolled oats on top)
  9. pre-heat oven to 200ºC and pop a bowl of water in the bottom of the oven
  10. whack buns in the oven for about 15-20 minutes until nice and golden on top (the whey should help form a nice brown crust)
  11. et voilà (leave to cool before removing from cake pans as they are super, super soft)

don't you hate it when people get a glimpse of your stuffing? muffin-top madness, MADNESS! *weeps*


As you can see ours were a bit of a mess!  Very happy with the bake and the texture, they are so fluffy and delicate that the top heavy filling makes them quiver on the plate…I do love a jiggle.  The buns are very airy and spring back nicely when pinched like a babies butt cheek (erm, this sounded less weird in my head). They have a nice sweetness and richness to themselves even without the warm sticky filling…Simon totally loved them and ate about 5 of them straight away…Husband WIN!

who doesn't love a raisin? who doesn't munch on bun filling then photograph the left overs?

gobble gobble nom nom

we are totally real at Wondercat...real lazy white trash...now shut up, IWe're trying to watch Torchwood.

We still have about a gallon of whey left for future bakes…it turns out you can freeze the stuff…be warned, your freezer may start looking like a sperm bank.

Miss Muffet part I: Cottage cheese? No whey!!

(Why can’t we stop with the terrible puns?)

Who knew you could split milk and do marvellous things with both parts? Not I!

This all got started as we go through so much cottage cheese, around 1kg per day (seriously!). It is the perfect food! High protein (and casein so keeps you full for ages), low calorie, acceptable carbs. You can chuck bits in to make it sweet or savoury, whack it in a lock ‘n’ lock and you have great num nums to take to work!

There must be a way of saving money by making our own, right?

Turns out NO! It is far cheeper and easier to buy! From one of those big 2 1/4 litre plastic milk bottles we got…about 300g curd. The rest was a tonne of liquid whey which at the time we had no clue what to do with. So, about £1.60 for a 600g tub of cottage cheese or £1.40 for milk + 30p for a lemon + about 1/2 hour of hob heating and 30 mins soaking and cooling…you don’t need to be Carol Vorderman to work out it’s not a great saving in anyway!

But! We do suggest making it every once in a while! The finished “cheese” is actually really nice and you can probably do some wonderful things with it (we haven’t played with it yet,  well we did but we pretended we laid a giant egg and ran around clucking). The real reason to make it though is for that useless liquid whey! It turns out it can be used for total greatness!
Intrigued? We’ll tell you all about it in Miss Muffet part II!

Say cheese (sort of)

Home made cottage cheese

  • 2.2l milk
  • 4 tbsp approx lemon juice
  • salt to season to your liking (about 1 tsp)
  1. Heat milk with salt until boiling
  2. Add lemon juice and stir until curdled (looks so gross btw)
  3. Strain into a colander lined with muslin
  4. Pull corners of muslin together and twist to make little cheesy ball bag (you may want to let it cool a bit first!)
  5. Leave to drain and cool

You can just chop the ball up and use it for things. I’m toying with the idea of adding flavourings as part of the making process. We wanted plain old cottage cheese so squished it with a fork and stirred some of the whey liquid back in.

cottage cheese, the Uggs of dairy...not very pretty but so comforting and practical.

Next post will be what to do with the whey…it looks like a massive jar of man fluid (sorry, but it totally does).